This weekend was a rush of emotions. I fell in love more that I ever thought possible. More than I ever have been. And I’ve been in GREAT LOVE before. I’ve been in love with SC for about four months now. Typically, I fall fast. And this was no exception. What can I say? When I know, I know.
I’ve been in love like this once before, with The Ex. And even after falling in love with SC, I never actually thought anyone would replace The Ex in my heart. He was my high school sweetheart, my first real love. How could anyone compete? Yes, The Ex will always have a place in my heart, but I thought that place would always be in love with him. Turns out, that’s not the case at all.
My whole heart is in love with SC. He stole all the lingering feeling for The Ex away. Now it’s just his memory. I just care deeply for The Ex. I just wish him the best. And that’s it. (Also, I wish he’d stay out of my life, but that’s another post entirely… coming soon)
And it wasn’t some grand exclamation. There wasn’t a real reason why I fell more in love with SC this weekend. It was in the little things. We had a whispered conversation, albeit mostly about sex, while our friends were napping during our camping trip. We also talked about my parents, and how he’s nervous to meet my dad. And we talked about my Grandma, and I cried. And he told me I had to stop or he’d start crying too. He said, “Yeah, I cry.” And we’ve had these conversation gems before. You know the ones. You can’t plan them or initiate them, they are like shooting stars. Blink and you’ll miss them. And it wasn’t even really what was said. But that’s where it started. I felt the connection between us tighten after that. I felt us communicating with our eyes the rest of the weekend. We had our own little language. I never had to ask where he was or how he was feeling, because I could feel it.
And then we held hands the whole drive home. And the sex we had (five times in a row!), that didn’t hurt either. And then we went to a BBQ with my family. And the connection wasn’t lost. I watched him play pool, and even though it was all fun, I was proud of him. He was opening up to everyone. He’s very shy. And since we’ve been together, the people that knew him before have been constantly telling me how much he’s changed since we’ve been together. I really saw him shine at that BBQ. I could see what everyone’s been telling me. I was proud of him and I was excited to realize that we bring out the best versions of each other. That’s one of my most valued characteristics in a relationship.
At the end of the night, a man my family was joking around and called me a bitch. I got angry because I am not going to be disrespected like that. And when I yelled at that man for joking like that, he called me a bitch again. So I got crazy. And that man tried to get SC on his side. But SC simply said, “I love you and I don’t blame you for acting the way you did. I’ll stand up for you and I’ll stand by you in anything you do or believe. And I’m sorry he said that to you.” Those are some golden words right there.
And then we went back to his house and talked some more. I cherish our alone time. We never get sick of each other. We could live on our own little self-sustaining planet and I think it would be enough. We talked about kids, and rings, and marriage, and timelines for all of those things. And he was keeping secrets from me, so I know he’s really planning something. I left it alone, because I don’t want to ruin his surprise and I want to be surprised when it happens.
I have no doubt in my mind that this is it for us. I don’t believe in soul mates, I do believe we were meant for each other. I think there are a handful of people in life that you have the potential to make something really great with. Part of it is timing, part of it is circumstance, and the other part is sheer luck. It’s not a matter of who you were destined to be with, but rather who works into your life, your goals and dreams, your situation, and your heart.
This is a little note for myself:
When you’re doubting yourself, when you think that you might be making a mistake, when you’re sitting up on the night before you walk down that aisle wondering if you should really go through with it, I’m telling you right now that you should. Jump. Take that leap into your happiness. You deserve it. He’s not going to hurt you. He loves you. He’s the right man for you. He’s the best man you know. Love him with reckless abandon. And don’t look back. Don’t you ever look back.