Second Chance (SC)
We met through my aunt in October of 2010. Except we actually met in third grade. He was my first boyfriend ever, when boys chased girls around the monkey bars and girls pushed boys over into the mud. From there, we reconnected in jr. high. He asked me to be his valentine and I blew him off. And then we met for the last time at 22/23 years old in my aunt’s garage. I tried to ignore him. I tried to make myself decide that he meant nothing to me. But I couldn’t and he did. And we’ve been together ever since.
We got engaged in September 2012 and will be married in September 2013!
It was big. Four years. It started in high school, and ended somewhere in the middle of college. There were a million breakups in between. There were a million complications. It was good, and it was horrible. We were crazy. It rocked my world when it ended. And it affects me daily. But it’s over. And I’m moving on.
He is one of my very best friends. From the day we met in sophomore year of high school, that’s the way it’s been. At one point or another, we loved each other in a way that required more than friendship. But those points just never met up. When he loved me, I was in a relationship. When I loved him, well, I always loved him. It just never happened. Maybe we were scared of ruining our friendship, maybe there was always something inside him telling him I wasn’t what he really desired. You see, these days he’s in love with a man. But we’ve had that talk and he assured me that what was between us was very real. We’ll never know how things could have ended up. But he’ll always be one of my very favorite people.
She’s been my best friend for as long as I can remember. We’re 8 years apart, she carried me around like a doll when she was little. She can tell me when I’m acting completely insane and I can call her out on her bitchiness and we just work like that. She’s my rock, my bigger sister I never had. And she introduced me to SC.
These are work friends. The group is always kind of fluctuating. The main characters are myself, Poppa D, and Timms. We drink together, we go bowling together, we go to amusement parks together, we attend each other’s weddings, we go camping together, and we work together. They are more than coworkers, they’re some of my best friends.
I lived with my mom until I was 14, and by then our relationship was shot. You know how they say a mom and her daughter have the hardest time during teen years? That’s exactly how it was. We are the same person. So we butted heads. A lot. And then she moved to Washington with her husband [my step-father] and five of my siblings. And then her marriage fell apart and she moved to Texas with my grandma. That’s where she is currently. We talk about once a month. We’ve learned to balance our relationship. That’s what works for us.
There’s so much to my and my father’s relationship that I could never explain it here. he lives in Massachusetts with my grandpa and two sisters. I used to be daddy’s little girl. And then he became a horrible, ugly person and destroyed our relationship. He’s trying to fix it now, I think. But at this point, I don’t know if there’s anything left. [Paternal]
B will always be my baby, because I really did raise him for the first year of his life and I will always regret not being there to make him a better kid. Because he’s turned into somewhat of a crappy kid, honestly. But he is my baby brother and I will defend him to the death.
D was really my least favorite sibling when I was younger. He was obnoxious to the point that I couldn’t even be around him for long. He struck that place in me that I just couldn’t understand him, I guess. But to his defense, he was a little kid and I was a teenager who was controlled by hormones and annoyed by everything. We really never had a fair chance. And his personality has continued to evolve while I haven’t been around. He is a completely changed kid in my eyes, and for the better. He’s independent of our other siblings he isn’t such a mama’s boy, and that gives me hope for the person that he will become.
M has always been an individual. She’s pretty much the middle child, but I don’t see her having any problems with it. She has always known who she is, and she’s very sweet. as for our relationship, I don’t know that we have ever really had one. I know that she looks up to me, as they all do. But I don’t think that she would come to me with something that she couldn’t tell anyone. Honestly, I don’t think any of my sisters would.
F and I have a special bond. I don’t really know what it is but we just click. And he is so incredibly funny. I am just afraid for him, because I don’t want him to grow up and live his father’s life. I don’t want his father to be the example of a normal male figure. I don’t want him to regret treating women the way that his father has treated our mother. I’m really scared of that. When we are older (not too old, people) I have a feeling that we will be much closer, and that’s the way I feel about most of my siblings. Our relationship is just torn by distance. And it’s a shame that this is our situation, but it is. I mostly feel very protective over him. Because he’s the first boy in the family and he’s been through some hard stuff. But he seems to have come out of it mostly unharmed. I just can’t help but wonder if it’s all just an act. I want him to be okay when this childhood thing is all said and done.
C has, for most of my life, been the most challenging person I know. We grew up within inches from each other for fifteen years. I could tell you stories about her that would completely ruin her little teenage life. (haha) I was her biggest sister and the person that she looked up to most. What my Aunt B was for me as a teenager, I was (sort of) for her. Except she wasn’t quite a teenager yet. I always wanted to be that for her, but I honestly was not strong enough to take the emotional beating everyday to stick it out for her. If I wasn’t a stable person myself, there’s no way I would have been able to help her anyway. And honestly, she’s the only reason that I stayed as long as I did. Because I knew it would hurt her immensely. I knew she would begin to take that emotional beating. But I did it anyway. I’m no saint, I’m just a human. And I really had to do that for myself. I’m justifying it over and over again because I feel badly about it, and I always have. I also feel badly that because I moved, our relationship suffered. She was suffering and then on top of that she didn’t have me there to share it with her like she usually did. I was the rock, I was the strength when things were really bad, and I left her with nothing. And all of that was only the precursor to some pretty emotional stuff. When they moved and Nick tried to hurt her the way that he had hurt me, I wish I had had the courage to even write anything on the way i was feeling during that time. I was a wreck. To this day I still have mixed feelings, but that’s another post entirely. I’m glad she came to me with that, even though she didn’t know she was coming to me at all. I’m very glad that she didn’t have to harbor all of that resentment or let it go on any longer. I’m glad that she didn’t have to go through any of that alone. Because what he did to us was very emotionally damaging. I’m still recovering and I probably will be my entire life. That was the turning point in our relationship, I think. Before that i just saw her as my kid sister that wanted to emulate me in every way. After that I actually saw myself in her and realized that she’s a person with her own desires and goals. And that the things that matter are that she has someone to help her when times get tough. When she is going through a rough time or has made some pretty major mistakes, that I need to be there for her because she probably won’t have anyone else. She’ll always have friends, because she’s a social butterfly, but if I’ve learned one thing about friends it’s that they are no match for the bonds of family.
BB and I have always had a challenging relationship. We are almost polar opposites. I don’t hate the person that she is, I’m pretty proud of her, we just don’t really get along. Even I catch myself bragging about her soccer skills, and them I remind myself that I refuse to become my dad. And that’s another road block in our relationship. She is the epitome of my father in female form. And I despise that about her. That doesn’t mean that I despise her. I wouldn’t even say that I’m jealous of her. Because I wouldn’t honestly want to be close to my father. He isn’t who he used to be. But I can’t get past that with everything he’s done, she still loves him for being him. And yes, she’s young. But both of my sisters (from my father) are very mature for their age, as am I, because we had to be.
AB and I really didn’t even know each other for most of our lives. All that time that I visited my dad’s on the weekends, I really just felt indifferent about AB & BB. I wanted to be the apple of my daddy’s eye. And that’s all I cared about. I have to believe that there was some resentment on their parts for some time. And when I moved in we all just fought so much. All three of us just really clashed and so we ended up doing our own thing. I was in high school and so I had my own life and my family wasn’t really a big priority. And I thought she was a brat most of the time because she was so independent of everything around her. I never really knew who she was outside of our house. But, in the same way that C suddenly became “a person” to me, for lack of better words, AB did too. She was always just my sister in my eyes. She wasn’t an important part of my life, she as just there because we were blood. That’s not to say that I didn’t care about her, but I didn’t ever really realize that she was her own person aside from the human that inhabited my home and was in my life for better or worse. She became her own person in my eyes over the course of last christmas break, when we actually connected on a different level. it’s like we actually had things in common and she wasn’t afraid to open up about her life. She wasn’t just “there” anymore. And ever since then I’ve been very much concerned about her. I’ve felt connected. I have wanted to be her best friend. And I’m really proud of her. I love that she is still independent, but that she’s very grounded as well. She does her own thing despite what others want her to do. And I do see a lot of myself in her, but they are all good things in my eyes. Our dad may treat her the same way that he treated me, but I really wouldn’t expect anything else. I hope she overcomes the many obstacles ahead of her to get where she wants to be. It won’t be easy, I know, but It will be worth it. And i want so badly to be there for her more than I am. I want to be (and I know this sounds silly) like the sisters in that show “What I Like About You” with Amanda Bynes. I want to be that for her, because she also doesn’t have any one to go to. And I honestly believe that I would have committed suicide if I didn’t have anyone at all to go to when I was a teenager and living with my mom. She really means a lot to me and it feels strange because we never really have developed a relationship that you think would make me feel this way, but nonetheless the feeling is there. She’s had a lot of issues to deal with growing up, not the least of it being with two major mother figures being ripped out of her life. And she’s so strong.