Category Archives: Dreams

The Warehouse, Part Two

He came with me, of course he came with me. Who else would I have by my side for the biggest adventure of my life? This was my mission. This was my purpose.

We gathered all the strong members of our group that we could. Many said that we were foolish for even trying. Some didn’t think we’d come back. My father didn’t support the expedition, but my mother and the major lack of supplies kept him from forbidding that we go. We packed our bags with what little food we could manage and grabbed our best climbing gear. There was only one way in, from the top.

There were fifteen of us altogether. Once we got everyone on to the roof, it was time. We pried open the hatch and repelled down into darkness. I went first, he made sure everyone else got down safe before going in. We had our earpieces in, but we both knew there wasn’t much battery left.

I didn’t go six feet before I hit the ground. There must be different levels. I switched on my light and looked around. This was the sleeping area. Semi-permanent walls were erected, but they didn’t go all the way to the roof. There were beds everywhere. All perfectly clean as if they had just been made that morning and were waiting for night so that they could be slept in again.

“What if we could move in here? That would solve everything!” I thought.

I quickly found the staircase. There were three levels in all. The bottom was the most interesting. There was a section devoted strictly to food. Large refrigerators stored cheeses and meats and milk while there were giant iron shelves that went from floor to ceiling stacked with bags of rice and potatoes and laundry soap. From the ground level, there was probably enough supplies for our group to survive on for at least a year.

And then I heard it. It was like I had been tuning out everyone and everything. I was so amazed at what I was seeing. He was calling me through the earpiece. He sounded worried.

“Hey, can you hear me?!”

“Uh, sorry, I can hear you.”

“I made it inside. Everyone’s here. What do you see?”

“Everything. Just, everything.”

And then I realized. There was power. It had been over twenty years and there was power in this building. There were no people, but there was fresh food. Something wasn’t right. It’s a trap.

“It’s a trap!”


As I looked around, I saw a camera. Very small and very high up, but it was definitely watching me.

“It’s a trap! This place, this whole place is bait. They have to be coming. They’re coming. GET OUT!”

As I sprinted up the second flight of stairs, shouting at every person I saw to get out, I smelled it. The gas. I looked straight into his eyes, pleaded for him to get out if he still could. And then it all went black.



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The Warehouse, Part One

Sometimes I see something that helps me understand what it used to be like. A billboard that hasn’t fallen over yet with just a bit of paper left in one corner, or the remains of a building I was told was once a movie theater. I wonder what it would be like to watch pictures come to life? All I know is, that world may as well have been a fairytale because it’s never coming back.

In these days, exactly 27 years and 4 months after everything changed, we all just try to keep our heads down and stay off the radar. No one wants to end up like them. Gone.

It wasn’t like we were breaking in. The thing was abandoned, everyone knew that. Ever since I was a kid I’d been told the stories. One day they all just vanished. The thing is, we just had to risk being caught. Our group was running out of things we need to survive. Everyone always had enough until one day we didn’t. Between bartering with leaders of other groups for supplies, information, security, and new additions to our group we just didn’t account for the loss. We were desperate and we needed to act.

Being the leader’s daughter, I’d grown up overhearing stories about the warehouse. Just after everything changed, a large group of people were taken there. They tried to hide it, so of course everyone knew. Every once in a while someone would catch a glimpse of kids playing on the roof through the trees, and of course there were the shipments that went in full and came out empty. But there was one thing no one knew. Why?

After a few years, my dad said, everything just stopped. No more children, no more shipments. The surrounding area started to become overgrown. But the building stayed strong. The story goes that they all disappeared one night and no one knows how. It was like something shifted in the air, and then they were gone.

That’s how we know it’s empty. No one knows exactly what is inside that warehouse now. It could be the way to save our group. That’s why I’ve got to go.

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I stole their Christian son’s precious virginity and probably put him on this path to destruction.

SC and I had a fight. And we walked away from each other. I wasn’t sure that it was really over, but some broken part of me went and did the only thing I could think of to comfort me. I ran to The Ex.

I called him one night to talk, and he surprised me by coming to my house. I grabbed some clothes, shoved them in a backpack, and we left for his house in San Diego. When I got there, it was like he lived in a frat house without the college. And this frat must have been co-ed because there were beautiful women everywhere. My worst fears from his college experience were realized all over again.

Later that night, we were laying in his bed when I realized I’d hardly grabbed anything I needed to stay with him. I’d forgotten my toothbrush and my makeup and I just couldn’t live without those things. This may have been my subconscious escape plan. We decided that he’d take me home in the morning.

Just when things started to get hot and heavy, I saw a photographer taking pictures of us outside his window. I didn’t know what this creep was up to. Apparently, The Ex was in some kind of trouble. Some government agents were watching him and there were pictures being taken of him and his parents were involved as well. He didn’t want to really open up to me. I guess that’s okay because I didn’t want to tell him why I’d called him, I only wanted us to go back to the way we used to be.

He shut the blinds, deflected my line of questioning, and we fell asleep without going any further. Part of me really wanted to go further, just because our last jaunt had been so incredibly cold (on his part) and terrible. But another part of me knew that if I had any chance of reclaiming what I wanted with the man I love, I couldn’t and shouldn’t do that to him. And (surprise!) The Ex doesn’t even turn me on anymore.

In the morning someone knocked on his door. It was a detective. He wanted to ask The Ex some questions. The Ex avoided him, managed to get around him, and we left. He chased us. At this point, everything happened really fast. We were being chased and a semi-truck was trying to slow us down and ended up making us crash. So we hijacked the semi and took a shortcut around the highway which eventually led to a dead end. But we’d lost the detective. We hiked up a hill, following the sounds of the cars. This led us to a steep drop off the hill into a lake, and on the other side of the lake was the highway we needed to get to.

The view was beautiful. I wanted to at least get a picture for all my troubles, so I stopped and went for my bag. But it was open and as I swung it up, my phone fell out and slid down the incline. I yelled for The Ex to catch it, but he just watched as it went by. So I slid after it. I landed in the water just after my phone did and I pulled it out, hoping it didn’t get damaged.

Then I heard a splash, The Ex had landed. We made our way over to the other side of the small-ish lake and on the other side, his parents were waiting for us. They immediately clammed up when they saw that I was with him. I’m the devil to them. I stole their good little Christian son’s precious virginity and probably put him on this path to destruction.

I still didn’t ask why all of this was happening, honestly because I didn’t want to get wrapped up in his life again. I regretted ever calling him. I just wanted to get in, out, and on with life.

His parents started questioning me. They told me that now that I was involved, a detective would probably come to ask me some questions and it would be nice if I could put everything I know into the best light I could. I said,

“Look, I don’t know anything. I don’t even know what I did to you to make you hate me so much all those years ago. I was just a kid. But if you want to blame me for taking your son’s virginity (which NEWSFLASH! he asked me to do) then that’s your choice. But I’d never do anything to spite him just for the pleasure of doing so. If someone asked me a question, I’d tell them the truth about what I know. Which, honestly, is not much. If they’re expecting me to be a character witness, I can only attest to the way he cared for me while we were together and the mighty asshole he was when we weren’t. I don’t even know who he is anymore and I’m okay with that. My being here is a FLUKE right now. I don’t even know how this happened but it’s probably not going to go any further. It’s not going to work this time, or any other time we try to reconnect, because we are never going to work. So you can just stop worrying now.”

The relief on their faces was evident. They took us back to their house, I put on a dry pair of clothes and I called a cab. As I was about to walk out the door, his mom pulled me aside…


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The time I almost kidnapped a baby (for her own good).

She asked me to watch her daughter for a while so she could go out with some friends. I love that little girl so of course I agreed. She needed me to pick her up straight from work because that’s where her parents were dropping the munchkin off and she’d be leaving from there. No problem. I got to work, we work together, and I couldn’t find her anywhere. But then, I looked in the office and the baby was sitting there curled up in her car seat on the couch. I picked her up and continued to look for her mommy. She was nowhere to be found and her car wasn’t in the parking lot. Our bosses were also coming in to have a meeting so I knew I needed to get out of there, stat.

I packed up all of her stuff and took her to my mom’s house. When I told my mom the strange story, she was in the kitchen and barely listening, she just shrugged and made some excuse as to why she’d left. Then my baby brother started crying. I had both babies, one on each hip, and my stepfather in my ear telling me to get them to quiet down. I snuggled my friend’s baby down into her bouncy seat with a bottle and she went quiet right away. She always was a good baby. My brother had to be held while he was fed or he’d never eat. When they were done eating I decided to go over to my friend’s house and see if her parents knew anything.

When I got there, all hell was breaking loose. She was at the neighbors house. They wouldn’t let me in because she didn’t want to see me. I assumed it was because she was on drugs. I put the baby down with her grandpa and started grabbing whatever I could carry from her room and packing it into my car. There was no way I was letting that baby stay with my friend. But before I left, I decided to giver her one last chance. At this point, the neighbors, who were a big, scary group of guys, were damaging my car as a scare tactic. I went over and started talking to the guy at the door. He seemed like he was in the mood to flirt with me so I decided to see if I could get any information out of him by flirting back. He didn’t give me anything, but I asked him to give me his number and I held up my leg for him to write it on. He liked that. He grafitti-ed his name all the way down my leg…

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He was eye-fucking me during the whole performance.

We were in Vegas, SC, Aunt B, her husband, and me. We were all spending the day drinking by the pool when, in a surprise performance, The Academy Is… (my favorite band) came on stage and started playing a concert. Bill Beckett, the lead singer, is on my free pass list of 5 celebrities that I’d be able to have sex with if he asked. SC decided to go with my uncle somewhere for a while, so I was all alone in a sea full of people who didn’t really exist with one of my top 5 celebrities ever.

My chair was right across from the stage. So Bill was eye-fucking me during the whole performance. At one point, somewhere in the middle, He motioned for me to come here. I did the whole “Who-ME?!” point the finger at myself and he nodded. So I walked around the pool and met him on the side of the stage where he grabbed me up and sang to me in front of everyone. And then, at the end of the song, he took me out to the very tip of the stage overhanging the pool and he said, “Ready?” and we jumped off holding onto each other into the pool. I was in my suit but he was fully clothed in his skinny jeans, band t-shirt, and a pair of chucks.

I guess he decided that was the time for an intermission because after that, he changed into an actual pair of board shorts and hung out right next to me by the pool. We were flirting, but I was always conscious of SC, always conscious of the fact that I was not a single girl. At one point, I was in the middle of a sentence when Bill looked at me, took my cheek in his hand, and kissed me. I didn’t really know what to do. It was quick. I didn’t really pull away but I didn’t exactly kiss him back either. But I was excited. And then we got naked in the pool. And I swear it seemed like there was no one else in the entire city of Las Vegas.

But there was. Because people saw when I was giving him a blow job in the pool. He actually complained that it wasn’t good. And I told him maybe because he was drowning me, pushing my head on his dick under the water. So he got out of the pool and walked away. He used me and when it wasn’t good enough, he left me. Such a rockstar. So I went back to my chair, and he went back to finish his set. And I started thinking about what I’d done. About how SC would definitely leave me. And how that meant my life was basically over. Because what’s the point of life if he’s not there to share it with?

Soon word spread. And at the end of the show, I guess Bill wanted to talk to me again. I declined.  I couldn’t take it anymore. I went out into the lobby where I ran into SC. I know I looked guilty because I felt it. I don’t have a poker face. He asked me what was wrong. And I lied. I told him that Bill Beckett tried to get me to give him a blow job. And I laughed it off like “Why would I ever do that?!” But I was dying inside. Then Bill came out to the lobby and asked to talk to me. I told him no. And SC offered to take him back to his hotel. As they got in the car I could see the look on SC’s face as Bill was telling him what had happened between us. My heart broke.

There was no way I could get out of it. He would know that I was lying because of what I’d already said. Fuck. Why did I even say that? What was the point!? There was nothing I could do, so I ran away. I ran past Aunt B who just said, “You really messed up.” I ran all the way to our room, hoping he’d go there and not know that’s where I was. I curled up under the blanket and cried. I couldn’t stop. I thought I heard his key in the door, but it was the door next to us. I waited. And waited.


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This is how it felt.

It all started because Aunt B had to move. Why, I’m not really sure. Either way, I’m at her house all the time. So we are driving up to her new house with he life up to this point in tow when my biggest nightmare came true. We park. I start to get anxious. I look around, no sign of him. We get out and start unloading everything. Unpack. Hours go by. SC keeps asking me what’s wrong. I’m staying in the house and praying that someone doesn’t come tell me what I already know. That The Ex is across the street. At his house.

I tell Aunt B, but I keep it from SC for now. I’m not ready to go there with him again, yet. I just don’t want The Ex to continue to come up in the middle of our relationship. I’m tired of it. It’s not his fault, I guess, this time. But I can’t help but hate him for it.

We actually hang out there for days before it happens. It’s somewhere around sunset when I see him. I walk outside into the garage where everyone’s playing pool and he’s out in his garage getting ready to mow the lawn. I see him flip his hair back from his eyes and I cringe. And then he sees me.

It’s like the whole world stops in the worst possible way. So, as everyone (aside from SC) starts to recognize that it’s him, I fake like I have to use the bathroom and run inside. I pull SC in with me and explain to him that Aunt B moved in across the street from The Ex. And that he’s out there right now. And I can tell that SC doesn’t know what to say or do.

So I freshen up, so that I obviously look like I’m so much better off without him, and SC sits in the recliner waiting for me to make the first move. And I wonder, is he waiting to test me? To see what I’ll do? Or is he just unsure of how I want to handle this? I don’t know.

Everyone starts to come inside, The Ex in tow, so that we can all “catch up”. My family doesn’t really understand the whole i-don’t-want-him-in-my-life thing. And all The Ex ever wanted out of our relationship was to be in MY family, so that’s exactly what I’ve been trying to keep from him. He can’t have my family without me in it.

So he walks in, I’m standing, and SC stands up out of the recliner. “The Ex, this is SC, my boyfriend, and SC, this is The Ex.” His name precedes him. The Ex doesn’t even know I have a boyfriend as far as I know. And right now is when I wish I had a ring on my finger more than ever. Right now is when I wish he’d just vanish forever.

That scene pretty much ends there, but The Ex doesn’t stop wreaking havoc on my life just yet. 

There was a playground at the school in the neighborhood. I saw him there one day as I was walking by, and I have no idea why I was walking by. I also have no idea why I stopped. But I did. I climbed up the slide and into the heart of that piece of metal. And we talked. We talked until the sun disappeared and the stars danced to the tune of our words. Never was there a sexual innuendo or twinge of jealousy. We weren’t trying to one up each other with our respective relationships. Turns out he’d ended his a while ago. But I still didn’t want to be with him. I no longer want my babies to look like this man I don’t even know. I don’t see him at the end of that aisle anymore. At one point or another, I was ready to leave this stranger behind and cuddle up next to my forever.

But it wasn’t over. It was about to get nightmarish all over again.

A few day later I went back to that same playground, hoping to sit there in peace for a while and collect my thoughts using all that good energy we left behind. He was there. But this time, he wasn’t alone. He was with my ex best friend. We were the three amigos in our senior year of high school. We actually called ourselves the tricycle. She was okay with being the third wheel, our half-girlfriend, in the relationship. I snuck up that slide hoping to surprise them, only to stop halfway when I heard their conversation.

It was always them. They always had this unspoken connection. I was in the way. She waited and waited and waited for us to be over so she could make her move. So he would be able to see her like that. He is who she wants in her forever. She loves him. They kiss. And I’m watching in the shadows.

I’m betrayed. I was the third wheel after all. Fate is a dirty whore.

SC sees me and calls me over. They realize I’m there. I run.

I sprint passed SC, tears streaming down my face. He looks dumbfounded.

He runs after me. He catches me. He tells me he’s not going anywhere, no matter what. And then he asks me to talk to him. All of the words start spilling out of me like lava. Destroying everything in their path. He thinks I’m still in love with The Ex. How can I tell him about the talk a few days ago now? It will only reinforce his conclusion, since I spent hours talking with my ex. But I tell him. And we talk. And we cry. And we talk until the sun streaks the sky. And somehow, he’s okay. We’re okay.

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Filed under Dreams, I Got 99 Problems., Relationships, SC, The Ex

I was on reality TV.

I was on reality TV. ABC decided to do a Bachelor/Bachelorette mash-up season. So, really, everyone was hooking up. And Brad Womack was back. I believe DeAnna was as well, but really I only remember the Bachelorette as being a bitch who wanted my man, Brad. She thought she had him in the palm of her hand, that she was going on all these dates with other guys but was still going to win Brad back. I actually think he was scared of her.

So we were filming on this remote island water park resort. And we were in about the middle of the season when I really started feeling a connection with Brad. In between filming is when I would sneak away to see him and that’s when we really hit it off. He was a totally different person behind the camera.

So this one day, I’m sitting there drinking with the girls and they are getting sloshed. I think to myself, “Act like you’re drinking more than you are. It makes them want to drink more, meanwhile, you get more time with Brad and you don’t look like a slob!” So that’s what I do. And he comes out with his “Hello, ladies” and they start filming. We have a little mixer, lounging around on couches that are sitting in a pool about a foot deep.

And then the filming is over and Brad has actually gotten a little tipsy by this point. I get him alone as most of the girls go to shower and re do their mountains of makeup. I, of course, have perfectly sun kissed skin so I’m good to go. And so we kind of sneak away from the film crew and go sit in a jungle gym portion of the water park. We’re flirting and can’t stop touching each other. I tell him that I actually considered moving to Texas about 8 months ago, that I love San Antonio. He asks me if I would consider moving to Louisiana. And then I get confused. I ask him if he moved, because I thought he lived in Austin? He says that he grew up in Austin but recently moved ti Louisiana. So, yeah, I tell him I’d go anywhere he was. And then we are making out like teenagers.

Well, the crew finds us and they don’t really like that we’re spending so much time with each other because they are missing out on quality footage. So they ask him to go back to his room and freshen up for some interviews. He lingers a little and then DeAnna walks by. She’s also walking back to her room to freshen up and she says, “Baby, you look like you had a little too much to drink. Why don’t you go take a little nap, jump in the shower, and stop by my room before we head off to interviews? I’ve got a present for you.” And she gives me a snide look before she turns around and shakes her ass all the way back to her room.

Right before he leaves, he kisses me on the cheek and whispers, “Meet me in 30 in room  #3.” Because contestants aren’t allowed to know where the Bachelor/Bachelorette are staying, I didn’t know his room number. This is amazing! I know where he’s staying. You know what that means.

And so I head back to the suite only to change and sneak back by the girls while I head over to Brad’s. But when I get there, he’s sunburnt and passed out on his bed. I get him up and get him in the shower. And then there’s a knock on the door. I hide just as DeAnna walks in. She gives him a pitiful look and says, “Aww baby, look at you.” And then walks out. Obviously she’s not willing to put a little effort in for that piece of meat. Good, no real competition. She only wants him because she can’t have him. I want him because, oh my god, his body.

I finally get him to come around. He gets dressed in his suave little suit. He’s just about ready to walk out the door… when he decides he has a little time to take it all off for me.

Thing is? I don’t even like Brad Womack. But Now I’m all dream crushing on him and I can’t stop thinking about it. Fuck.

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Like it never happened.

I was sitting in a bar when I saw him across the room. He was with a group of people. I could tell he was happy. But something’s always missing, isn’t it? I left him sitting there in that happy bubble.

The next time I was sitting at the same bar, he came up to me. He took my hand and he started running. We ran through the city, down a never ending sidewalk. The sidewalk led us through an apartment complex. Then suddenly, the sidewalk washed away and all there was in front of us was the bluest water. I dipped my toes in and it warmed my entire body. I turned around to look at him and he was naked, jumping into the water. I followed suit. I wrapped my legs around him as we were floating in the middle of the universe. But nothing that perfect lasts long, does it? We were yanked back to reality by people shouting at us on the edge of the pool.

We got out and covered ourselves, but they were going to arrest us.

The only way to save him, and I felt as though it was my responsibility to do so, was to tell the jury of people standing before my all of my deepest and darkest secrets. If they felt enough pity for my humiliation, maybe that would save him.

And so I spilled, and he was out of sight but I know he was just around the corner listening to my every word. I was willing to sacrifice myself to save him, but he wasn’t even willing to support me.

In the end, they let us go. And we walked back the way we came along the sidewalk. But this time, we weren’t running. We weren’t even holding hands. We just walked, holding our shoes in our hands as the soles of our feet slapped against the concrete. When we got to the bar, he wet back to his bubble and I sat down in my corner. Like it never happened.


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I was sleeping in my bed next to SC when all of the sudden, weird things started happening. I was hearing knocking sounds underneath my bed. So I tried to open my eyes, but I couldn’t. I asked SC if he could hear the sounds, he said yes. and then I started screaming because it was like my eyelids were magnets and I couldn’t get them apart. And then I heard it, the loud bang. When I could finally open my eyes, I was screaming, And then I looked up at the closet, where I knew the sound had come from, and my closet door was broken. The metal frame was bent as if someone had punched it outward and down, toward my head.  And written on it was a million little sayings that looked like a stamp but were actually written out, they all said the same thing, “sugar and spice”. And right near the broken piece of the door? It had a 1-800 phone number written in red. SC reached for my phone and called the number only to find that the other line was a recording of my own scream and then someone cut the line. At least I hoped it was a recording. Then I tried to turn on the lights but they wouldn’t work. And then I touched the other electronics (Clock, iPod Dock) on my desk and the all drained of life instantly.

And then we heard the sounds coming from under the bed again. So l decided to be brave and look under the bed. I pulled out a box of knick knacks, only to find out that it contained every single thing that had gone missing in the past few months. And then, those things started coming alive. The electric toothbrush? I took the batteries out and it still started vibrating.

We shoved the box out of the room and decided to try to get some sleep anyway. I just started dozing off when I felt it. SomeTHING was sinking it’s teeth into my hand!

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I was standing in line at Trader Joe’s with my mom when I saw him. He was tall. He had dark hair but a light complexion. And he was wearing a uniform. Of course he caught my eye. They always do, those firemen. And then, he said something to me. We started talking about nonsense; the weather, the long lines. And then he smiled at a silly joke I made. His eyes kind of wrinkled up at their edges and I could swear he started glowing.

Then it was my turn to ring up my items. What was I going to do, let this amazing man slip out of my life? I don’t have the kind of courage it takes to ask for an amazing man’s number. He’s got to be in a relationship, they always are. Wait, no ring at least. Maybe he’s gay. Oh no, he can’t be gay. And then the cashier is done and I’m walking out of the store, looking back and smiling at him. I’m thinking that I look col and confident, but inside I’m killing myself for not even catching his name.

And then I’m at the DMV, because this is obviously the day from hell. I lose the guy AND I have to deal with the DMV. My phone goes off. I check the text and its not a number that I recognize. The man, the fireman. He sent me a picture of himself. I started texting him back. My mom must have given him my number after I walked away. Except I never asked him. Because we never stopped talking long enough.

He came to the DMV and sat with me. When I was finally finished, I got in his car and we just started driving. We went to the firehouse, he had to change. I looked at the name on his locker, Wachowski. Polish, possibly Jewish. That’s another plus for me. And yeah, I totally snuck a peek of him taking his shirt off. I hadn’t realized how skinny he was. With just the right amount of muscle tone, the way I like it. But, to be honest, I had hoped for those freckles on his shoulders. Those are my favorite.

He told me he had to make a stop before we got something to eat. And then he parked in front of an elementary school. RED FLAG. I knew this guy was too good to be true. But I marched myself right into that school. And then he took something out of his pocket just as a little boy came outside. He handed him something, I couldn’t quite see. And then he looked at me and said, “This is my nephew, I promised him I’d bring him something cool from the firehouse for show & tell today.” And the adorable little boy shook my hand.

Later that night, we were laying on the hood of his car overlooking the city, I was cuddled in a blanked and nestled right in that spot where I fit beside his body. He was running his fingers through my hair and I could feel his breath on my cheek…

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